Things That Would End Donald Trump’s Campaign If He Wasn’t A White Man

  • THE HAIR:

Come on, now. No way a black dude would be able to get away with that.  That’s top tier white privilege. White people get to look grungy and everyone’s cool with it. Even Al Sharpton got his look together by the time he got his own TV show. Trump is running for president! You know how bad Barack wishes he could wear a fro again? Or as FOX News would call it: A Terrorist Hair Garb?

  • THE MULTIPLE MARRIAGES

It’s a known fact that Hillary Clinton should have divorced the 42nd president to be with her true love, Dennis Rodman. Hillary Rodham Rodman has a nice ring to it, right? She couldn’t do it though. There’s too much opportunity for the media to spin the issue against a female presidential candidate. However, Donald Trump is on his THIRD marriage, and somehow that standard doesn’t stick. In the worst example of a truly equal society, Bill O’Reilly would be asking Donald: “How can you please America, if you can’t please the women in your life? Is it because the size of the carpet matches your hands?”

  • THE RAPE ALLEGATIONS

I did the math. Bill Cosby experienced roughly 50 years of white privilege that blinded us from the horrible truth. Why did the privilege fade away? Because white privilege found out he was black. Trust me, we would have hated Cosby way sooner if he was running for office. And the only reason Bill Clinton got any heat is because white privilege found out black people liked him for some reason. I don’t have to spell this out. Just read the title of this article again.

  • BEING A “REAL TALKER”:

Real talk, how are we letting this sassy alleged billionaire mouth off like this? People talk a lot about Barack Obama’s calm reserved personality. Of course he’s calm and reserved! Obama has found the perfect frequency of blackness for mass acceptance; and every person of color applying for a job should be taking notes. Donald Trump, on the other hand, is a conglomerate of every unskilled white person you’ve ever met who somehow still gets the job. The argument for Trump is that he’s just saying what people are thinking. To get specific, he’s just saying what ignorant white people are thinking. I know good and well President Obama know’s what the average black person is thinking, but if he said those thoughts back in 2008, Hillary Clinton would be President already.

  • ASKING RUSSIA TO HACK INTO EMAILS:

I don’t care how Republican Bobby Jindal is. If he looked into a camera and “jokingly” asked another country to hack into emails he’d soon “jokingly” be put on at least the No Fly List.

 

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